Fear in Motherhood

Have you ever considered not having more children for fear that something may go wrong? Well I did....oh I am so happy I did not give into that fear.


Why the fear?

When I was pregnant with my first (Owen) I had no adverse symptoms. I was feeling amazing actually. I was barely gaining weight, I had few food aversions, everything was going perfect. Until 20 weeks when I woke up in a puddle of what the doctors said was my own pee. It never did sit well with me. It wasn't until 22 weeks I saw a perinatologist and was put on modified bed rest at home for low fluid, and then I was put on full bed rest and admitted to the hospital at 28 weeks. I later delivered Owen via C-section at 34 weeks. He was overall healthy, but there were definite obstacles to face in the coming years. Luckily, he is strong and healthy now.


Overcoming the fear.

As many would in my circumstance I questioned having another child. What if my body was not made for making children? What if the combination of my DNA and my husbands was not a good match? What if Owen had more problems down the line that we can't foresee? What if our next child had more issues? All these questions and more pained me so my husband and I decided to wait a bit before thinking and trying for another. We waited for Owen to walk (18 months) and really start to develop. Thank goodness he started to develop quickly once he overcame his physical limitations and all my doctors said there was no medical reason to not conceive again. It took us about 8 month to get pregnant which felt like forever, but right before my 33rd birthday I found out I was pregnant. I was considered a high-risk patient due to my previous pregnancy so there were a lot of tests done in the first trimester, but after that it was a typical pregnancy. I got to experience true exhaustion, cravings, food aversions, nausea, swelling, carpal tunnel, heart burn, and more. Funny thing, I was not upset about all this...I thought it meant that this was going to be an easy pregnancy. was. I was able to workout the whole time and even teach FIT4MOM classes.


My take away from this experience.

All I can say is that no ones journey to motherhood is drama free. There is always a story behind every conception, pregnancy, birth, and after. We need to embrace our stories and not live in fear, but learn from them. I know that there isn't anything that I did wrong to make my first pregnancy so scary and there wasn't anything in particular that I did right to make my second one more or less uneventful. Many moms have fear for other reasons, they fear sickness, bad people, dangerous places. I fear none of these because I have a believe that my intuition, my husbands precaution, and my children's strength will keep us safe. We need to embrace all the wonders that the world has for us and really live a life that makes us smile everyday. I am so grateful that I was able to overcome my fears because Ryder is the perfect 4th piece of our family and his energy is full of joy and it is truly contagious.

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